And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
