i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
