I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
