i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
