we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize