an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
