The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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