turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
