I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize