the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My feet surprised me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
