sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
