It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
