I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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