I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
