just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
