remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
