im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
