Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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