If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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