someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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