...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
