You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
