not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I still have a little drunk in my system
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
