Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
