hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
