I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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