Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
