I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
