Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
