Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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