My friends, they love my intelligence
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
