Christians are straight up FREAKS
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
