her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
