I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
