You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
