Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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