I heard we made out
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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