i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
