kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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