You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
