next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize