Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wish I could teleport
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
