is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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