i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
