i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
