Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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