just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize