I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
