Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
