If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
