Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
