Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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