just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
