Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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