does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
