Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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