I wish I only lived at night.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
God, I missed his penis.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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