i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
