could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
