So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
