I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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