Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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