i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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